Confessions of a Daydreaming Bibliophile…

Sooo… I think this one’s a long due post! I’ve never shared anything so personal till now… Nonetheless I’ll try to keep this one short and not bore you guys with my blabbering. So here we go..

For the past few months, bookishly it has been pretty great but in all the other ways possible, it was the worst few months of my life.

I’ve studied my last 3 years of my college with the one target in my mind- that I had to get into Calcutta University (C.U), that’s where I wanted to do my Master’s degree from. I loved studying English Literature, therefore I really wanted to do my Master’s as well. The thing is if your college is affiliated under C.U and you had a certain overall percentage of the 3 years of college then you could get directly into the university as 60% of the seats are reserved. So I studied under a college which was affiliated under C.U so if I could do my 3rd year exams well, I would have the required percentage to get into C.U directly. So my results came out yesterday, I did pretty good, I topped my class and I had the percentage to get into uni directly. BUT…

Here comes the big but… My family’s financial situation is not very great right now, plus my father’s health is deteriorating and he can’t keep up like he used to so… the thing is… I need a job. Within 2 years max. To save my family from being the Titanic. And where I live, if I do my Masters, after that I’ll need another degree (which’ll again take 2 years) if I want to take teaching as a profession which I don’t want to. But I just wanted to study.

So… here we have a few institutes that help us prepare for the hundreds of job exams which thousands sit for but only a handful get selected, it’s pretty savage if you tell me… I mean for one job you have to cross 4 to 5 levels! So with my heart heavy I enrolled in one. I was pretty devastated at first because I was not going to study my Masters which I had dreamed for 3 years, I was frustrated and depressed. And I was pretty much crying every day. But when I attended the introduction class of that institute, the lecture that one of the teacher gave was… awesome and I seriously felt better but again after yesterday’s result I was feeling a bit down once again because I had the marks but I will not be going. Crushing a dream is hard… people. But for the long run I think the decision I took is the best for me and my family because ultimately the job matters and c’mon the money as well! But I want to keep writing and actually form a daily routine. And hopefully I’ll be able to make my writing dream a success one day… hopefully.

So here’s what has been bothering me for a few months but I have finally come to terms with it. (I’m still trying a bit to be honest.) My classes at the institute have also started, they are pretty hardcore but I’m enjoying them… eh at least I’m trying but from next month there’s going to be 9 hours of class although the classes are for 3 days a week but still… oh and to put a cherry on the top they’ll have exams everyday before class. I just hope I survive till the end of the year.
So… yeah, that’s it! Send positive vibes people and let’s hope I make it!

See you guys later in the next post! ❤

31 thoughts on “Confessions of a Daydreaming Bibliophile…

  1. Pingback: Monthly Wrap Up: June 2016!
  2. I’m sending every positive vibe your way! I know you can make it at school though!! Best of luck to everything. I hope your dad gets better as well. I know what it’s like to have a parent with detoriating health, and I hope things will turn for the better soon. If it makes you feel any better, I nominated you for the Infinity Dreams Award here on my blog. You got this Poulami! 💪

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, Poulami! I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having such a tough time in your life and that you had to sacrifice your dreams due to circumstances. ): Sending you good vibes to you and your family! And this year will be tough, but I know you can do it!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. That sounds so intense! Y’know, the way that I try to think of it when I’ve had to let go of dreams (or had my dreams abruptly crushed) is that it just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe not now, but sometime in the future, something will come along that will be even better, that you didn’t even see coming, and that wouldn’t have been possible at all if the first dream had come true!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sorry to hear about your situation. You are a good daughter to put your family’s needs ahead of your needs and desires. I hope your dad gets to feeling better. I will keep him in my thoughts and prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Aww sorry to hear that. I understand about the financial situation, I mean, not based on my personal experience. But I know a lot of people who passed the entrance exams but can’t get into their top choice university because of financial problems. Will be sending happy thoughts to you all throughout the day!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • That was not the problem actually. I funded 80% of my college fees and I would’ve done the same in uni but I need to do a job to stabilise the whole of my family and give my dad a permanent holiday so that he doesn’t have to work anymore as the pressure is being too much for him.

      Nonetheless thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m really sorry to hear this, Poulami. It’s always difficult giving up dreams, but I truly commend you for finding making this decision. I wish you all the best with the classes, and I hope you find them enjoyable! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am sorry for all that has gone down. If its any help, i am currently studying SCIENCE which i have have zero interest in. I dont want to become a doctor and i am breaking my neck studying for it. I still have to stick out for this one year before i can leave this field. So always think about the end result. If you KNOW you will end up where you are meant to be, everything will be fine.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I had to choose the science stream in my last two years of school as well, mainly because my dad wanted it but in college I fought for my choice and everyone yielded. That’s why it hurted more because I wouldn’t be able to move forward with it.
      Nonetheless thank you and I definitely hope so!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. So sorry to hear that life hasn’t been the kindest to you. 😦 I hope things get better, and I hope your father’s health improves. I’m glad that you’ve found the alternative to your Masters degree better than you had thought it would be – chin up, and things will get better, inshallah. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Sorry to hear about everything you’re going through. I hope things get better with your dad. And I hope you find even a better light for the reroute you have had to take. May everything you desire come to pass. Nothing but positive vibes your way and I wish you the best with everything! Xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I’m so sorry to hear you were going through such a difficult time 😦 I really hope things get better – I’m glad you’re enjoying the classes, and I wish you lots of luck for the exams and the coming year! x

    Liked by 1 person

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