Confessions of a Daydreaming Bibliophile…

Sooo… I think this one’s a long due post! I’ve never shared anything so personal till now… Nonetheless I’ll try to keep this one short and not bore you guys with my blabbering. So here we go..

For the past few months, bookishly it has been pretty great but in all the other ways possible, it was the worst few months of my life.

I’ve studied my last 3 years of my college with the one target in my mind- that I had to get into Calcutta University (C.U), that’s where I wanted to do my Master’s degree from. I loved studying English Literature, therefore I really wanted to do my Master’s as well. The thing is if your college is affiliated under C.U and you had a certain overall percentage of the 3 years of college then you could get directly into the university as 60% of the seats are reserved. So I studied under a college which was affiliated under C.U so if I could do my 3rd year exams well, I would have the required percentage to get into C.U directly. So my results came out yesterday, I did pretty good, I topped my class and I had the percentage to get into uni directly. BUT…

Here comes the big but… My family’s financial situation is not very great right now, plus my father’s health is deteriorating and he can’t keep up like he used to so… the thing is… I need a job. Within 2 years max. To save my family from being the Titanic. And where I live, if I do my Masters, after that I’ll need another degree (which’ll again take 2 years) if I want to take teaching as a profession which I don’t want to. But I just wanted to study.

So… here we have a few institutes that help us prepare for the hundreds of job exams which thousands sit for but only a handful get selected, it’s pretty savage if you tell me… I mean for one job you have to cross 4 to 5 levels! So with my heart heavy I enrolled in one. I was pretty devastated at first because I was not going to study my Masters which I had dreamed for 3 years, I was frustrated and depressed. And I was pretty much crying every day. But when I attended the introduction class of that institute, the lecture that one of the teacher gave was… awesome and I seriously felt better but again after yesterday’s result I was feeling a bit down once again because I had the marks but I will not be going. Crushing a dream is hard… people. But for the long run I think the decision I took is the best for me and my family because ultimately the job matters and c’mon the money as well! But I want to keep writing and actually form a daily routine. And hopefully I’ll be able to make my writing dream a success one day… hopefully.

So here’s what has been bothering me for a few months but I have finally come to terms with it. (I’m still trying a bit to be honest.) My classes at the institute have also started, they are pretty hardcore but I’m enjoying them… eh at least I’m trying but from next month there’s going to be 9 hours of class although the classes are for 3 days a week but still… oh and to put a cherry on the top they’ll have exams everyday before class. I just hope I survive till the end of the year.
So… yeah, that’s it! Send positive vibes people and let’s hope I make it!

See you guys later in the next post! ❤

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• confession of a daydreaming bibliophile
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